Jesus

Sam: So. When I get to heaven. I'm going to ask Jesus what he is, and He's gonna be like "what do you mean" and I'm going to be like, are you American, Mexican, what?

Me: Sam. He isn't anything, He's God.

Sam: So. He's not mexican or anything?

Me: No. He's not.

Roberto: I think Jesus is asian...

Mom: sam! Come help me with the laundry. Sam: what? Me? But I'm just a game show host!

Beto: COLORADO! Me: what? Beto: nothing, just saying it for fun....OHMYGOSH! ITS ABRAHAM LINCOLN!

Dad: french live in france, germans live in germany. Where do mexicans live? Beto: uhmm....AMERICA!

Me: its okay mom, I've locked him away in the prison, OF AZKABAN! Sam: cool story bro. Tell it again.

Beto: once I said, who in the beef is that?

Me: do you like my hair? Beto: yes. You're pretty. Oh god. I love him<3 :3

Me: what is your problem? Sam: come back here George Washington!

Me: Mom, can I watch gone with the wind now? Sam: Sis! You need to be saving Atlantis! Not watching a movie!

Sam: I win by de false! Me: its by default Sam!

Beto: reading the bible cheers me up. And when I burp. It cheers me up even more

Sam: you know what coffee smells like? Cocoa beans. Hard and useless

Sam: look! My tooth that came out is smaller than my filling. Me: ew. Sam: it must have come from a zombie that had to go to get a filling!!!

Sam: we're gonna go see whales! What could be more fun than that? oh yeah, anything.

Mom: tienes hambre? (are you hungry?)
Sam: I know what that means! Two nannies on vacation!

Me: whats wrong with that guy?
dad: he looks intoxicated.
sam: maybe someone farted in his car & he couldnt roll down the windows its a life or death situation

Sam: Dont make me go all madea on you!
Beto: I am madea...

Lily: I'm popping like a kangaroo!

Emily: *GASP* THEY'RE GOING TO EAT THE PLATYPUS EGGS! D:

Beto: i have a bazooka!
me: thats a cup...
beto: oh, i thought it was a bazooka.......POW!

Beto: there are such things as ancient sandwhiches. They had baloney meat. from camels. Just kidding, it came from cows.

Beto: if sam and sissy were fighting over a pencil then sissy would poke sam with it.

Sam: oh my god
beto: dont say the omg word!

Beto: i'm being annoying.

Sam (being sarcastic): sis, you're so fat, you look like you're about to born a house...

Emily: there is no eating in the garage. No cleaning. No talking. No selling turtles. No collecting princesses. no collecting cups.

Beto: sis you're a teen major (teenager)

Sam: do you know what mom? Sometimes I think you are as clever as I am.

Sam: you dare disrupt the peace of the cupcake?!

Frooooggg

Me: Sam. If you say frog really slow it sounds like gullible.
Sam: Frrooooooogggg
Me: hah.
Sam: What does gullible even mean?
Me: it means you believe anything. Just kidding. It means you sound like a fish.
Sam: Oh. well you're FRRRRROOOOOOOOGGG...

Dont Judge.

Mom: Do you like the this color or brown?
Me: Brown.
Sam and Beto: Brown!
Mom: You just said that because your sister said that.
Sam: No! Let the wall be who it wants to be. DONT JUDGE THE WALL! How would you like it if I told you that you should be a dad instead of a mom?!

I'm hungry

beto: I made up a song. It goes: i'm hungry for love, not for beef.

Dont quit

Mom: you are going to learn and not quit!
Beto: yeah. We don't quit in this house!
Sam: but if I leave outside then I can quit :D
Mom: -.-

Bubble

sam: sissy you just---BUBBLE!

Ears.

Sam: what's a marshall?
Me *not paying attention*: huh?
sam: oh my gosh sis. You never listen. You must've thrown your listening ears away in the trash can...

Cows

going down a street we went down 10 seconds earlier.
Sam: I have a feeling we've been here before....OH MY GOSH! LOOK COWS! SIS! TAKE A PICTURE!!!!!!

Pig

Sam: its too hot! I feel like a pig out in the sunshine!

Japan

Sam: I want to go to Japan.
Mom: me too!
Sam: but not with you.



Remember to Pray for Japan. <3

VBS

Sam: Mom. Remember when I was in the kangaroo express club?
Me: its called VBS, Sam...

Magical Omlette

me: how do I go back home?
Sam: use the magical omlette
me: its called an amulet sam...
Sam: oh...

Darts

Sam: I'm playing darts with the dishwasher.

Sisters

Sam: fine then. I won't be sisters with you anymore!
Me: you're my brother...

Babies

Emily: one time, when lily and I were babies. Lily was in mommy's tummy and I was in daddy's tummy. And nothing else happened

Camaler

Emily: that's mommy and daddys camaler. (calendar)

Racoon

--
Emily: guess what? the catapiller got into its racoon and turned into a butterfly!

Milk

Sam: do you sweat milk?
Me: no...
sam: then why do I?

Opossuem

Sam: sissy, you run like an opossuem

Symbiotic

--
Beto: me and my brother have a Symbiotic  relationship.
Sam: yeah. It mean everyone gets something out of it.
beto: yeah!
Sam: yeah. I have one with food...

Symbiotic

Beto: me and my brother have a Symbiotic  relationship.
Sam: yeah. It mean everyone gets something out of it.
beto: yeah!
Sam: yeah. I have one with food...

You got a friend in me...

Sam (singing): You got a friend in me!
Beto: No you don't!

Immature

Sam: you are so immature!
me: you don't even know what that means.
sam: yeah i do! It means you can't build lego ladders!

15

Me: i'm going to be 15 tomorrow!
dad: i'm going to miss having a 14 year old
beto: me too...

Bed

Me: go to bed!
beto: i need a suit of armor!

Scoundrel

Sam: nobody likes me because i'm a stinky scoundrel.

Sumo

Beto: sumo wrestlers look like a bowling ball

Meow

Beto: the cat is meowing!
sam: does that mean he's made out of bacon?!

Sam: anybody want a knuckle sandwhich? Cause i'm about to make a delivery.

Eggs

Sam: I am going to boil that overgrown egg.

Johnny...

Beto: I like Johnny Orangeseed...
Me: It's Johnny Appleseed Beto.
Beto: I know, but I like calling him Johnny Orangeseed better...

Cobra

Sam: I put a cobra in between my words.
Me: Sam, its called a comma.
Sam: No! Its a cobra, isn't it mom?
Mom: *talks on the phone*
Sam: SEE? I TOLD YOU!

Sam: sissy, your room used be a junkyard, but now its a compost pile.

Sam: i love you!
me: *bites sam*
sam: i sort of love you....

Beto: yay! Im sweating! I like sweating.
sam: i like church

Sam: one ugly bird can make a big experience.
me: dont you mean a big difference
sam: yeah that

Sam: look at all the turkey vultures this season!
mom: yeah.....what?

Sam: on the first day of christmas my true love gave to me, 1 golden turkey wing, 2 happy pears, 3 hairy christians, 4 mexican board games and 5 plastic cups!

Sam: sissy, you aren't revolting, you're beautiful.

Mom: doesn't emily look pretty beto?
beto: i have nothing to say

Emily: beto called me a bad girl!
beto: i only said it once and i didnt mean her, i meant.....the invisible man's wife.